A Little Grace

It was a lovely spring morning, and I was excited to purchase plant starts for my garden, so I ventured down to my local farm, where I could sift through beautiful rows of fresh garden plants ready to grow and flourish for our family. 

I meticulously picked out my herbs, several kinds of tomatoes, and a few sprigs of garlic. Finally, I paid for the items and loaded them into the back of my car. 

I was parked diagonally in a small space on a dirt parking lot covered in divots and rocks. I slowly began to back out with the handy use of my backup camera, and I felt a slight bump. My mind immediately went to the idea that I had run over a rock or hit a divot. 

As I slowly pulled away, I looked cautiously in my rearview mirror, seeking the mystery item I may have hit. 

Before I could even put my car in drive, a man signaled for me to roll down my window. I immediately became nervous as I suspected I had hit something more than a rock. He pointed out that I had hit the car beside me, leaving a gray smudge on a beautiful white SUV. 

I was genuinely shocked that I had hit a car. However, the bump I felt was nearly non-existent. My shock came out in my high-pitched voice as I struggled and slurred my words.

  I exited my car as the owner approached her vehicle, assessing the damage. Unfortunately, she did not say anything graciously as I had hoped; she just asked me for my name and insurance information. 

I gave her information with my hands shaking and profusely apologized. 

When logistics were handled, I quickly removed myself from the embarrassing situation and returned to my car to head home. 

When I arrived home, I recounted the tale to my husband, who graciously assured me that these things happen and not to worry about the slight damage to our car. He reminded me that these are the reasons we have insurance. 

As I went about my Saturday routine, planting flowers, cleaning my home, and working in my yard, my mind churned with worrisome and overwhelming thoughts. I thought about what those two people I had just encountered must have thought about me. I was sure they thought I was trying to get out of the responsibility of hitting the car as it must have appeared that I was leaving. It was torturous to imagine that they thought I lacked integrity or was dishonest. I convinced myself they had nothing but horrible things to say about me as I drove away.

I swam in guilt that I didn't handle it differently. 

I was consumed with what they thought of me and was convinced it wasn't pleasant. 

I strive to be a woman of God, filled with grace, peace, honesty, truth, and integrity. Thinking that someone else thought anything but those things about me sent me reeling. Until God took hold of my heart and mind and asked me one straightforward question.

Who told you they are thinking these things about you? 

I stopped in my tracks. 

"Well, me," I replied in my heart. 

I quickly realized that I had conjured up what these strangers perceived of me. I was making up stories in my head. I was projecting my selfish and worrisome thoughts onto two people I didn't know. 

As soon as I let this realization penetrate my heart, I quickly escaped my downward spiral. Perhaps, they thought nothing of me at all. I was a woman who had accidentally smudged a car, took responsibility, and left. 

That's it. 

I began to think about all the times I projected my ideas about what others thought about me. Then, finally, I came to terms with my fleshly tendency to allow pride to take root in my heart. I so desperately want others to perceive me in specific ways, but this is a tactic of the enemy who wants me bound up in a self-focused way of life. 

I realized it is not my job to curate positive ideas about myself in others' minds; especially those I don't know. My only responsibility is to live a gracious life leading to peace, sharing Jesus, and treating others how I want to be. 

I extended grace to these strangers and forgave them for their lack of grace in the situation. I asked the Lord to forgive me for allowing pride and resentment to take root in my heart. 

I thanked God for quickly pulling me out of the rut of selfishness and asked the Lord to continue to work on my heart. I desire to be Jesus to others out in the world, but I could be better. 

Sometimes I need to handle things better. Sometimes I walk about with hurt and resentment swirling in my mind. But the Lord spoke, and I listened. I promised to exude grace the next time I encounter a difficult situation with a stranger, for others and myself. 

As Christ's followers, Jesus calls us to live a life of integrity and grace on every side of a situation.  

He calls us to shine His glory in every encounter. 

In John 1: 16-17, we read that from HIS fullness, we have ALL received grace upon grace. (ESV)

Jesus died and rose again so we can live free of guilt, regret, worry, and self-centered and all-consuming thoughts. Jesus calls us to do more than what our fleshly thoughts portray; we are called to freedom.